Reasons to not read the "comments" section

I've been doing a ton of writing today, and none of it in this blog!  Shame on me! (sorry Jennifer!)  I'm going to try and put all my thoughts together what I wrote down today.  (I have other posts waiting for my attention too, but this one got moved to the top.)

Last month a woman was harassed at a Target store when she breast fed her infant son.  She used a blanket, but still had disapproving stares from employees.  She was even asked to move to a dressing room.  The next day she called the corporate office of Target to lodge a formal complaint.  Target does have a policy that guests   are welcome to breastfeed in their stores.  However, it's open to lots of interpretation store to store.  The person on the phone told this mom "just because you can legally do it, doesn't mean you should flaunt it."

Whoa.

That launched a nation-wide bristle regarding breastfeeding in public.  Hello facebook.  The next thing you know, a nurse-in is scheduled.

A nurse-in is when nursing mothers show up en mass and nurse their infants.  It's about one of the most peaceful protests I can think of.  The first person that pepper sprays a nursing mother and her infant, I'm pretty sure is going to find themselves run out of town on a rail.

The story caught media attention, and could easily be found just about anywhere on the internet.  And for whatever reason, these stories have a "comments" section at the bottom of the page.  I read them.  I know better.  I should have never read them.  And before you know it, I was sucked in!

(for the record, I am using these people's names as they appeared. It's the internet.)

So Spaceward Duffano writes:  (for the record I don't think that's her name):

"As a woman who breastfed her child, AND a supporter of breastfeeding, I have to say this is a stupid idea, as are all 'nurse in' type things. Ultimately, who cares? You're trying to draw awareness to breast feeding, but this is the wrong way to go about it. It makes you seem pushy to your own beliefs , self centered, and not wanting to follow the rules of places you go. Go feed your baby in private, that's what I always did. Go to the bathroom, go to your car, or go home; pump some for a bottle before you go shopping. Nobody is against your breastfeeding, but nobody wants (or needs) to see it, either. (Maybe some pervs, but the general public does not.) It's a natural function, but, it can easily be done in private- otherwise it's awkward and uncomfortable for most people."

I responded:

Because we live in a society where breasts are sexual objects versus a way to feed our infants. Every Momma should do what they feel comfortable doing. And because of the constant badgering and sneering women received over time, we nearly lost the art of breastfeeding. This became a national crisis when the numbers were ran and we realized we were going backwards not forward. The Surgeon General gave a call to action to help turn the tides.

Kudos to you for breastfeeding your child and supporting breastfeeding moms. It's time to move away from the jeers and sneers and support Moms even more who move through some of the breastfeeding barriers. Remember that first month of breast feeding and how vulnerable you felt...how difficult it was. Add on to the fact that now you get chastised for feeding your infant when your instinct tells you to...and you have a mom who quits breastfeeding. If we say breastfeeding is best, then it's time we live up to that belief.

Nursing at Grandma's house!

I was a glutton for punishment.  The more I read, the more angry I became.  And then, eventually it just turned to sadness.  I've felt that we've been making progress as a country, that we've been moving to a better place.  But after reading comment after comment, I just wasn't seeing any rainbow. 

Then we have this gem of a comment from Jeremy Torrgesson:

"If you want to go live in a 3rd World (ahem - "developing") country and flop them out for all to see, by all means, do so. But in a public shopping center, all you're doing is encouraging leering and unnecessary attention to yourself. (But that's the point, isn't it?)"

Seriously?  This guy was off his rocker, and I know you can't argue with crazy but.......:

Not encouraging, not at all. Just doing what is normal parenting for me and my baby. It's okay, your normal for your family may be different. I'm not "whippin 'em out" for all to see, and it actually is far more discreet than some of the bathing suits out there, the tops worn at the bars and the outfits most of our celebrities are seen in. I'm usually in a t-shirt, only pulled up enough to allow my baby to latch and nothing is seen....not even skin. But the problem comes in when breasts are seen as sexual things and watching an infant suckling one is "disturbing" Let's be honest, it's not about the skin or the "indecency" of it all. You and I both know there are far more offensive things out there.

There were all sorts of rantings and ravings, and I was overwhelmed by the venom some folks showed regarding public breastfeeding.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion of course, but the fact of the matter is the law sees it very differently.  Breastfeeding women travel a mountain to get to the other side of barriers, snarky in-laws, dumb medical people, and a variety of difficult issues.  Really, do we have to keep harassing them along the way?  

I stopped reading for awhile, because it was just getting ridiculous.  And then these words were written by Nancy Adams:

"These women have nothing better to do than get knocked up, go shopping, and whip their breasts out everytime they are demanded. Their breasts are not the offensive body part. It's their boob like brains. If you're such great moms, park it outside and suck it up yourselves."

Uh oh,  you have just called forth my inner bitch:

Nancy, "these people" is me. I am a college educated professional, currently in grad school obtaining my MBA. I got "knocked up" via a fertility specialist, but did not go shopping the next day. I was too tired, too focused on my infant when out in the big bad world to "whip out" anything....

Let's be totally honest here. Really honest. It's not the showing of skin that bothers people. It's not the occasional slip and a nipple shows that's the issue. It's the fact that you know (whether you can see it or not) that there is sucking going on under that blanket or behind that shirt. Because you (like the rest of us) grew up in a society that sucking on a b00b was something done in the privacy of your own home. Where we have failed as "modern" society is forgetting that there are OTHER reasons to suckle at the breast. Until we move past this issue....it's going to be debate for quite awhile.

And that my friends is the crux of the matter.   No person in their right mind is going to admit, "when I know boobs are sucked on it makes me think of sexual things" because everyone around you is going to smack you square on the head.  But, that's what it is that people can't get past.  The skin exposure is not the issue.  It can't be.  Not in the society we live in today.  Crikey, the little girls are showing more skin on Toddlers and Tiaras than I ever dreamed about showing!  But that's what it's hidden in.  That's where it comes from....it's just no one really wants to say that.  So folks get all venomous and downright nasty to save face. 

All is not lost.  This was posted on a friend's wall on facebook:

"I've been reading with interest my friends' posts about Target and breast-feeding.  While I am not a mother and have never breast fed.... if I could have I would have.... with pride and dignity and in public.....where and when my child might have been hungry.  So, lacking a picture to post in support, I offer my words."

And there it was....the rainbow I was looking for.  








(this post is in honor of my daughter, Nea, who taught me at a very early age just what I'm made of)

Antonea-3 months