Happy Birth-Day Ántonea Ellis!

Today is Nea's 3rd birthday!!  We are excited to spend the entire weekend at Grandma's house celebrating, having yummy cake, and egg hunting!!

Below are 2 posts I wrote surrounding Nea's birth.  The first  was written on March 23rd.....
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Dear Miss Ántonea,It has come to our attention that the terms and conditions set upon for "pregnancy" have quickly come to close. You have been uncooperative thus far to make any efforts to emerge from your current dwelling. This current state of affairs was generously offered to us by your current landlord, hence forth known as The Auntie Brenda. 

The Auntie Brenda and her mate, henceforth known as Scott the Great Man, graciously agreed to care take you during this particular time of your life. Their offspring, known as Skylar the Sweetie, has also been integral in your care as you have progressed.

It should also be noted that vacating your current home situation would also bring much joy to the landlord as well as your parents, henceforth known as The Mommy & The Daddy. Mommy and Daddy do not have an infinite amount of patience, I am afraid. However, you will find that they have an infinite amount of love and we believe this to be a suitable trade.

Other interested parties include The Grandparents, as well as The Aunts,and The Uncles and very importantly, The Cousins. All have been anticipating your immediate departure from the current living situation. Mason, in particular is looking forward to not being at the bottom of Cousins List, he is happy to hand you the torch.

I must warn you Miss Ántonea, that steps are underway to assist your immediate eviction. We will allow you 5 days, and then we will take action. At the request of the Landlord, The Mommy and The Daddy a procedure known as induction will be placed upon you on Sunday March 28th. If you would like to make a statement directly before that date arrives, feel free to let us know in person.

Again, we are confident that a mutual agreement can be found on this matter. Might I suggest you follow the dark tunnel soon!
Fondly,
Buffy
The Mommy
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And this is the post describing Nea's birth written on April 5th...... (with pictures of the event added!)
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Ántonea's arrival into the world was much anticipated by so many of us. Jon and I started with a blessing of wonderful friendship with Scott and Brenda and had the privilege to participate in an amazing journey with them. But I think I've come to realize that this just isn't our journey, because we took so many of you along the ride with us. 

The labor and delivery portion of this story is very sacred to all of us, so I will not share it here. Suffice it to say, that our families came together in ways I could not dare to dream. Spending time with Brenda while she labored is something I will always cherish. I've been with many of my friends when they gave birth to their babies and I'm always in awe of the whole thing. It doesn't matter if it's my baby, their baby, a stranger's baby....being in the presence of a woman while she is bringing life into this world is an honor. I am always changed by each and every birth.  Our friend Meg was part of this story too, and we were grateful for her love and patience that day.  

Jon, myself, my mom and my sister were all waiting in a room for Ántonea to be delivered to us. There was quite an electricity in the air. My sister was pacing, which I've never seen her do! Jon and I stood by the warmer, knowing that is where they would bring her first. As soon as the nurse stepped into the room with a bundle in a blanket I swear there was a light around that child. I couldn't see her face, her head or any part of her body...she was totally covered. But I could feel her, sense her, and had such an eager need to touch and connect with her. 

The nurse laid her on the warmer, and Tarra started immediately snapping photos. She got some awesome shots, which I am very grateful for! I could hear Mom crying....like we all knew she would. :-) Jon and I inspected Ántonea from her perfectly round head to her tiny sweet toes. We talked to her, touched her and began inhaling the scent of her. 

Mommy and Nea meet for the very first time.

I think new babies are amazing creatures. For me, in my experience, it's like all of that wonder and potential of a new life is all wrapped up in one ball of energy. And for those first few moments, that energy is surrounding the baby, becoming a part of her....and eventually absorbed by her never to be seen on the "outside" again. But for those precious, mesmerizing moments....we get to see with the human eye what love looks like.

Everyone was able to meet Nea then. Mom held her, Tarra held her, and of course Jon and I sat and held her for awhile. Her eyes were goopy, but she was awake and alert. 

Aunt Tarra and baby Nea

Poppa and baby Nea

Grandma and baby Nea

After our first nursing session

Babies have that golden 2-3 hours after birth before they fall into a deep sleep. It's the perfect time to breast-feed them....which is exactly what we did. After my mom and sister left, Jon and I were left alone with Nea and it was time to start our breastfeeding relationship.

Of course Nea knew exactly what she was doing....me...well, I knew what to do in theory, but really had to get good with the dexterity of it all! Nea was able to move to the breast by herself...no forceful latching on. She did it on her time table.....which was something I felt strongly about wanting. The "breast crawl" is a primitive instinct we are all born with and it's amazing to watch. That feeling is about 10-fold when you are participating in it!

Just for clarification, I have been inducing lactation for several months now. I have been pumping, and taking herbs that help with milk production. Right now, I do not have enough milk to sustain life but Nea and I use an SnS. An SnS is a bottle, that has a tiny tube that comes out of it. The tube is placed right next to my nipple. As Nea suckles at the breast, she gets milk from the tube. She has to use the same power and the same motion to get the milk from the tube, just as she would from my breast alone. We are blessed to have a great friend who is donating breastmilk to us. I may not ever make enough milk to sustain life, and if I don't that's okay. I have a supply of breastmilk and Nea and I can continue our breastfeeding relationship. Breastfeeding is more than just "feeding" at the breast....but mothering at the breast. For us, it was crucial to our bonding with each other. Parents via surrogacy or adoption do this type of breastfeeding all the time with great success. We are another success story as well!

After Nea's time breastfeeding, it was time for her first bath. Jon and I watched close as the bath was given, talking and touching her. I had plans to give her that first bath, but I was so exhausted by this time (20 hours no sleep) I didn't trust myself with a slippery baby! After the bath, she was dressed only in a diaper and laid on my bare chest for 2 hours. It was my own body temperature that warmed her back up. Words cannot describe what it felt like to have my child's heart beating right next to mine. It's a moment that changed me and how I looked at everything in the world from that moment on.

1st Bath

We only had to spend a day in the hospital even with her congenital heart defect. Nea was born with a VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect) and she had to have an ECHO/EKG that morning. We see a pediatric cardiologist for follow up. Nea's VSD is small, and hopefully will close on it's own. She won't need surgery, but may need medication. Time will tell, and we'll know more at about the 6 week mark. 

It's hard to believe that 2 1/2 weeks ago this baby girl was born. She is a cherub and a fiesty devil all in the same breath. :-) It is amazing to watch her change, learn about the world around her. Her Poppa and I fall in love with her every single day.

.....all of this I have, because a friend came to me with a crazy idea, perseverance to meet any obstacle and love that only few can know.

Brenda, Nea and Mommy

Blessed Be.

Reasons to not read the "comments" section

I've been doing a ton of writing today, and none of it in this blog!  Shame on me! (sorry Jennifer!)  I'm going to try and put all my thoughts together what I wrote down today.  (I have other posts waiting for my attention too, but this one got moved to the top.)

Last month a woman was harassed at a Target store when she breast fed her infant son.  She used a blanket, but still had disapproving stares from employees.  She was even asked to move to a dressing room.  The next day she called the corporate office of Target to lodge a formal complaint.  Target does have a policy that guests   are welcome to breastfeed in their stores.  However, it's open to lots of interpretation store to store.  The person on the phone told this mom "just because you can legally do it, doesn't mean you should flaunt it."

Whoa.

That launched a nation-wide bristle regarding breastfeeding in public.  Hello facebook.  The next thing you know, a nurse-in is scheduled.

A nurse-in is when nursing mothers show up en mass and nurse their infants.  It's about one of the most peaceful protests I can think of.  The first person that pepper sprays a nursing mother and her infant, I'm pretty sure is going to find themselves run out of town on a rail.

The story caught media attention, and could easily be found just about anywhere on the internet.  And for whatever reason, these stories have a "comments" section at the bottom of the page.  I read them.  I know better.  I should have never read them.  And before you know it, I was sucked in!

(for the record, I am using these people's names as they appeared. It's the internet.)

So Spaceward Duffano writes:  (for the record I don't think that's her name):

"As a woman who breastfed her child, AND a supporter of breastfeeding, I have to say this is a stupid idea, as are all 'nurse in' type things. Ultimately, who cares? You're trying to draw awareness to breast feeding, but this is the wrong way to go about it. It makes you seem pushy to your own beliefs , self centered, and not wanting to follow the rules of places you go. Go feed your baby in private, that's what I always did. Go to the bathroom, go to your car, or go home; pump some for a bottle before you go shopping. Nobody is against your breastfeeding, but nobody wants (or needs) to see it, either. (Maybe some pervs, but the general public does not.) It's a natural function, but, it can easily be done in private- otherwise it's awkward and uncomfortable for most people."

I responded:

Because we live in a society where breasts are sexual objects versus a way to feed our infants. Every Momma should do what they feel comfortable doing. And because of the constant badgering and sneering women received over time, we nearly lost the art of breastfeeding. This became a national crisis when the numbers were ran and we realized we were going backwards not forward. The Surgeon General gave a call to action to help turn the tides.

Kudos to you for breastfeeding your child and supporting breastfeeding moms. It's time to move away from the jeers and sneers and support Moms even more who move through some of the breastfeeding barriers. Remember that first month of breast feeding and how vulnerable you felt...how difficult it was. Add on to the fact that now you get chastised for feeding your infant when your instinct tells you to...and you have a mom who quits breastfeeding. If we say breastfeeding is best, then it's time we live up to that belief.

Nursing at Grandma's house!

I was a glutton for punishment.  The more I read, the more angry I became.  And then, eventually it just turned to sadness.  I've felt that we've been making progress as a country, that we've been moving to a better place.  But after reading comment after comment, I just wasn't seeing any rainbow. 

Then we have this gem of a comment from Jeremy Torrgesson:

"If you want to go live in a 3rd World (ahem - "developing") country and flop them out for all to see, by all means, do so. But in a public shopping center, all you're doing is encouraging leering and unnecessary attention to yourself. (But that's the point, isn't it?)"

Seriously?  This guy was off his rocker, and I know you can't argue with crazy but.......:

Not encouraging, not at all. Just doing what is normal parenting for me and my baby. It's okay, your normal for your family may be different. I'm not "whippin 'em out" for all to see, and it actually is far more discreet than some of the bathing suits out there, the tops worn at the bars and the outfits most of our celebrities are seen in. I'm usually in a t-shirt, only pulled up enough to allow my baby to latch and nothing is seen....not even skin. But the problem comes in when breasts are seen as sexual things and watching an infant suckling one is "disturbing" Let's be honest, it's not about the skin or the "indecency" of it all. You and I both know there are far more offensive things out there.

There were all sorts of rantings and ravings, and I was overwhelmed by the venom some folks showed regarding public breastfeeding.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion of course, but the fact of the matter is the law sees it very differently.  Breastfeeding women travel a mountain to get to the other side of barriers, snarky in-laws, dumb medical people, and a variety of difficult issues.  Really, do we have to keep harassing them along the way?  

I stopped reading for awhile, because it was just getting ridiculous.  And then these words were written by Nancy Adams:

"These women have nothing better to do than get knocked up, go shopping, and whip their breasts out everytime they are demanded. Their breasts are not the offensive body part. It's their boob like brains. If you're such great moms, park it outside and suck it up yourselves."

Uh oh,  you have just called forth my inner bitch:

Nancy, "these people" is me. I am a college educated professional, currently in grad school obtaining my MBA. I got "knocked up" via a fertility specialist, but did not go shopping the next day. I was too tired, too focused on my infant when out in the big bad world to "whip out" anything....

Let's be totally honest here. Really honest. It's not the showing of skin that bothers people. It's not the occasional slip and a nipple shows that's the issue. It's the fact that you know (whether you can see it or not) that there is sucking going on under that blanket or behind that shirt. Because you (like the rest of us) grew up in a society that sucking on a b00b was something done in the privacy of your own home. Where we have failed as "modern" society is forgetting that there are OTHER reasons to suckle at the breast. Until we move past this issue....it's going to be debate for quite awhile.

And that my friends is the crux of the matter.   No person in their right mind is going to admit, "when I know boobs are sucked on it makes me think of sexual things" because everyone around you is going to smack you square on the head.  But, that's what it is that people can't get past.  The skin exposure is not the issue.  It can't be.  Not in the society we live in today.  Crikey, the little girls are showing more skin on Toddlers and Tiaras than I ever dreamed about showing!  But that's what it's hidden in.  That's where it comes from....it's just no one really wants to say that.  So folks get all venomous and downright nasty to save face. 

All is not lost.  This was posted on a friend's wall on facebook:

"I've been reading with interest my friends' posts about Target and breast-feeding.  While I am not a mother and have never breast fed.... if I could have I would have.... with pride and dignity and in public.....where and when my child might have been hungry.  So, lacking a picture to post in support, I offer my words."

And there it was....the rainbow I was looking for.  








(this post is in honor of my daughter, Nea, who taught me at a very early age just what I'm made of)

Antonea-3 months