" XYZ park is good because it's totally enclosed."
"MNO park is great because there are not lots of big kids."
"Careful of QRS park because of the pond right next to it."
When your child is leery of social interaction, is drawn to water or is a bolter/runner you have to make very systematic decisions. I know personally that if the park is anywhere near water, and not enclosed in some way- we just don't go. It's a series of questions you have to go through to determine the safety of your child, the sanity of yourself and what the price will be.
Why is this story important? Now I am heading into uncharted waters and I'm trying to figure out exactly how to navigate them. I have not seen this subject come up much in the Autism community, so I'm not sure if no one thinks its an issue or if no one tries to navigate the waters.
I took a bit of a hiatus from my church when Nea was born mostly because my time was tied up with a newborn. I also started my MBA program when Nea was 6 months old and time became even more limited. Don't get me wrong, I kept ties with the church, popped in when I could but had to take a very far backseat to get through these phases. I am ready to re-enter more steadily and now I'm doing it with a 3 year old.
We attend the local Unitarian Universalist church. I have been with the church for over 10 years and served as the co-leader for the Senior Youth Group program. Some of my best memories at the church involve spending time with the youth. If you're "weird", you are celebrated at the UU church for sure. I attended youth conferences of 200 UU teens. Most were blue-haired, crazy-clothed, and marched to the beat of a very different drummer. Every second I spent with UU youth enriched me in ways I cannot begin to explain.
I am fully aware that many churches have great philosophies and beliefs. And if you have found a church that meets your spiritual needs, I'm very happy for you. There's nothing more wonderful than finding a church family! I'm not going to jump into any debate about one religion being better than the other, because I don't believe that to be true. There are 7 reasons why we have selected the UU church to be our home.
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| 7 UU principles |
Just as I have to be calculated in my approach to which park we attend, I have to think about exactly how church is going to work for us. The philosophies and the beliefs are certainly something that I am very comfortable with and teaching to my daughter in hopes that she becomes a responsible, thoughtful, compassionate member of society. But how do we navigate the church environment? Lots of people....it can be noisy, new faces, high energy activity, etc. etc. (I would also like to note the church is located right in front of a pond!!)
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| The healing power of stickers |
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| Sundae Sunday! |
We have been attending the last 3 weeks, and we have had good success. In the past I would take Nea to the nursery while I attended the service. After the children's focus in the service, the kiddos are all "excused" to go to their classrooms while the adults listen to the minister or speaker. I always keep Nea with me the first 20 minutes of service and then take her to the nursery. Amanda has known her since she was an infant, and Nea is very comfortable around her. Amanda is the sweetest person, with the kindest spirit and Nea has always responded very positively to her.
Last week, I sent her to the Pre-K class. She seems like a bit of a "giant" in the nursery any more! The first time at Pre-K in church went very well. No tears, she was inquisitive and she had all sorts of smiles when I came in to get her. Success!!
Now here's the million dollar question......should I share Nea's Autism story? I ask that from a fundamental place....not a place of embarrassment or shame. I kept her from going out an open door that someone was kind to keep open for her (ack!), I chased her off the top of stacked chairs (eek!) and I rocked her silently in the chair when she started shaking from too much stimulation. How do I make sure folks understand she participates differently in the world than other kids without making it seem like she is super-needy-high-maintenance? Or does it matter? Does that conversation even need to be started? Is it a learn as you go?
Every person that comes up to Nea and says "HELLO!" does it in an excited way. I always encourage her to respond and say hi but sometimes it makes her hide her head, hang her head or avert her eyes. I think I noticed it more today than any day because of the one person that did it very differently. He came up to Nea and I (as she was scarfing down ice cream...it was Sundae Sunday afterall!) and pulled up a chair. He started talking to me, and ignored her. (This is the opposite of what most adults do there, which is always acknowledge the child in a positive way...which is why I noticed.) Him and I chatted for a couple minutes, laughing and joking and talking about Italian Ice vs. Ice Cream. Nea became intrigued and looked his direction which he took as an invite. That's when he engaged her and spoke to her....and she responded! I was shocked.
And then I wasn't.
Why? Because our congregation is full of "the weirdos" and "the freaks" and "the strange ones"...and he gets her, even if he doesn't know her well. At the UU church, we want you to explore everything different about yourself and shout it from a mountain if you need to. It's built to be a safe place so that you CAN be who you are, not fit a mold and learn about the world, yourself and "the freak" beside you along the way. I want Nea to have that safe spot all her life. Not just at home, not just with friends but also in her church community. It's a big deal to feel accepted. That's true for kids and adults alike. Everyone deserves to have that in their life.
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| Dancing at the UU church |
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| More dancing! |
Nea will be different than other kids. She may even be tagged as "strange" or "weird".....and my hope is that the UU church is the soft place for her to land if she needs.
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| Principle #1 |
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