Can it happen to me?

Kelli and Issy

The Autism community is flattened again by the attempted murder/suicide of a teenager with Autism and her mother.  We have heard this story in the past, and most recently in the Spring with Alex.  It affected me very strongly as I learned of this family's struggles and how they tried to cope.  Eventually Alex's mother stabbed her son and attempted suicide....seeing no other way around the situation.  My initial reaction was pain for them, and then it turned to anger and a plea for help for parents.

But this one feels very different to me.  This one feels really close to home.  In Alex's case, his mother used a knife, wiped it clean and then waited for him to die.  I know in my heart of hearts that I am not capable of that level of violence.  Kelli drove her and Issy to a secluded place in the country, shut the windows of the mini-van and had 2 charcoal grills lit inside.  When the police found them they were both unconscious from probable carbon monoxide poisoning.  Kellie will make a full recovery, but Issy may suffer from long term brain damage.

But Kelli was a fighter.  She was an advocate.  She moved heaven and earth to get services for her kiddo and make sure that the right things were done at the right time.  Her husband was the principal at the school her daughter attended.  Kelli wrote honestly in her blog about how much battle they had to do to get Issy in a treatment facility to help with her aggression.  Kelli ended up in the ER a couple times because of physical assaults from Issy.   But she always seemed determined to keep love at the center of everything.  Pictures and videos posted showed Issy and Kelli working together as a strong Mom, daughter team working through the unfair disadvantages they had been dealt. She posted a video of going to the treatment center to learn how to do behavior modification with Issy.  In the 2 minute video, Issy attacked her, as well as the 2 workers.  There was blood, it looked like a bar fight.  But Kelli talked about growth, progress and moving forward for Issy's sake.   A supportive husband, many friends and a network of a community who knew exactly what she experienced most days.

Kelli's last blog post was about feeling betrayed by the school district and a power play by one particular teacher.  She felt responsible that she felt she played it wrong and now her daughter would suffer.  The school district did not want Issy back and offered an alternative that was a 2 1/2 hour bus ride one way.  Kelli's last words on the blog were....

There is so much more to say.  I’m just too tired to write more.
All my love,
Kelli

I don't know if I've had a bad a day as Kelli.    But I do remember the anxiety and fear at the IEP meeting and making sure services were available to Nea.  Overall it was a good experience and there wasn't really much "fighting".  But I worry that down the road, I may need to yell a little louder, push a little harder and stomp my foot a little bigger.  And will those battles take a toll on me in ways I yet understand?   Those in the community understand the relentless day to day battles that we must fight for our kids.  Whether it's avoiding a snarky glance from a bystander at my loud kiddo, or rearranging activities constantly to get Nea to therapies, or doing things over and over again hoping to finally get through.....it's exhausting.

My new response when someone says "Boy, she doesn't quit.  You sure have your hands full." is to smile and say..."You should see how full my heart is."   And more often than not, I operate from that place.   But I am human, and I have weaknesses just like everyone else.

I don't know how Nea's story will continue to unfold.  Maybe she'll have aggressive behaviors, or develop a seizure disorder (that one looms all the time), or ....(I could go on and on).  But these thoughts along with our daily lives can really become overwhelming.

If I've learned anything from Kelli and Issy it's simply....

It can happen to any of us.