Language is HELL

  Nea is a 6 year old with 6 year old issues.  But what she doesn't have is 6 year old words.  Oh, don't get me wrong-she has words and lots of them.  But her current language does not afford her the language she needs to navigate through her 6 year old problems.

Nea has spent her whole life creating words, sounding out words, learning new words, learning correct annunciation of words, re-learning new words, .....you see where I'm going here.   Vocabulary is an ongoing, continuous process.  Of course that's a normal part to language development but when using words in the correct order to convey a message or a need is not something that comes easy for you....language can be a frustrating thing.  And language is one of those things we use every single day in every single instance.  Because of that alone, many autistic people would rather just skip all that language and communication thing.  We hear from autistic adults that it's emotionally exhausting and mentally taxing.

Phrases heard around this house often....

"Nea, look at me.  (pointing my finger to my mouth). It's  Name, not Mame.  Try again with the N sound"

"Stop pointing, use your words."

"Slow down when you're talking"

" Let's try again with the 'th' sound.  So you say feath-er, not feav-er"

And on and on.  I'm sure it's exhausting to constantly have to rethink and redo your vocabulary when you think you know it one way, but it's really another.  And lately she's been more frustrated with the whole process.  So other common phrases around this house include... 

"NO!  That's not what I mean!"

"I said it already!  Like I said!  You're not listening!"

"What is the word for this?"

"Just pay attention to what I said Mama!"

Both of us are trying to meet the same goal, but we both are traveling different paths to get there.  We just keep trying to figure it out together, but it's not easy.  

Let me share a couple scenarios.

Nea is pretty savvy with her iPad and doesn't really require much help with it.  However, she stumbles with stuff from time to time and has to bring it to one of us for some help.  The other day was watching a show on Netflix and ran into some trouble.

"Papa, I don't want to watch this show anymore"

"Okay, well you know how to switch it to watch a different show"

"But I WANT TO WATCH THIS SHOW!"

"You just said you didn't want to watch it."

"Yes I do!  I do want to watch it!  I don't want to watch this show!  Listen to me Papa!  I am saying it!"

By this time it's gone from 0-60 in about 30 seconds.  Lots of feet stomping and slamming down toys.  She's damn hoppin M  A  D !!

"Nea, I understand you're frustrated.  But we have to figure it out together."

*deep breath*

"Okay, Papa, I want to watch this show.  But not this show.  I'm tired of watching about the secret boxes." 

"Ohhh!! You want a new episode?"

"Okay...sure, episode.  I want a new show.  Do you get it?"

"Yes, I get it.  When you want to watch a different show of the same show....it's an episode"

"Got it."

Let's hope.  Because the two of them were very frustrated with that encounter.  

The next day, her and I had a crazy sort of communication error as well.  We were getting ready to leave the house for the day and I needed to brush her hair.  (uh, this hair, it's a creature of it's own!).  So as I'm brushing through it she says....

"Mama, do my hair with the curls"

"The curls?  I don't remember doing your hair in curls.  Well I mean I did one time, but just with 1 curl"

"Yes you did!  You put curls in my hair and you did it!  You DID!"

"Nea....calm down.  I know you're trying to find words to tell me what you want, but we haven't figured them out yet.  So let's stay calm and work on it."

"Okay, well then you'll do the curls?"

So I took her upstairs to the bathroom and heated up the curling iron.  I put a couple curls in her hair and handed her a mirror.

"NO!! Mama!! I said with the curls!!  You are not listening!!  You did it last time before!  With curls!"

I'm at such a loss.  I have NO single idea what she's talking about. And she can see the look of confusion on my face.  At this point she starts pantomiming.  I'm standing there in utter disbelief as she starts acting out some sort of zig zaggy thing in the air.  She starts high and zig zags her finger all the way down to the floor.

"Like this!  Curls like this.  Do you see!??" (More zigzagging)

"Honey, I am not understanding.  I'm sorry. I don't know what you mean when you say curls.  I don't think that's the word for what you are wanting and I can't figure out the word."  

At this point her face is red and she's screaming.  She is at DefCon 8

"MAMA!!!  THE CURLS FOR MY HAIR THAT GO LIKE THIS!  (more zigzagging in the air high to low).  YOU DID IT BEFORE!  CURLS LIKE WHEN THE KIDS DO RAPUNZEL'S HAIR!" 

Oh sweet Jesus!

"You mean a BRAID?.......  You want a braid?!"

"That's what I said!!"

I was praying for wine at that point- but grateful that I've watched that movie 429 times!

And yes indeed, I braided that hair.  Braided that sucker like my life depended on it!!!