In Honor of Mikaela Lynch and Owen Black

This week has been difficult for many of us in the Autism community.  Two precious children were both discovered dead after leaving the safety of home and family.  It's a tragedy that is beyond comprehension.  And unless you live with a child who has tendencies to run or bolt or wander, you have no idea the daily fear that haunts us.  As if that's not bad enough, the outcry that came from those who do not have these experiences about the Lynch's poor parenting skills is even further beyond my comprehension.

A mother lost her child to a horrific accident and some are standing  in judgement of it all?  Ridiculous.  And they should be ashamed.

I'm going to share with you my own experiences which I have been reluctant to do in the past, but I think sharing this information is the right thing to do.  The Lynch's should not be shamed, nor should the Black's for the tragedy that happened to their children.  But if we all don't share our experiences... their stories look "abnormal" when in fact so many of us know how easily it can happen.....

When Nea was 26 months old, she walked out the front door.  Her Poppa and I each thought the other had an eye on her and in a split second she made a decision to leave.  Not only did she walk out the door but she went across the street and down about 4 houses.  When we realized she wasn't in the house, and I was about to call 911, a neighbor was on our front porch with Nea in her arms.

It's easy for people to say, "you should have been watching her more close" and maybe that's true.  If anything would have happened, neither one of us would be able to live with ourselves.  I cannot convey the amount of fear that still makes me weak in the knees when I think about it.

How did it happen?  Mis-communication, sure.  But also, neither one off us were prepared for this sort of thing.  No one discussed this with us.  We didn't realize this was an issue.  We didn't understand that children with Autism are prone to wander.  We had no idea that the number one killer of children with Autism is drowning.

We do now.  We know the things we have to do to keep her safe.  And with all that in mind....we are fully aware that something could still go very wrong.  We plan, we learn from others and we keep vigilant.  And I am also confident that the Lynch's and the Blacks were doing the exact same thing.

If Nea wanders off, she cannot communicate who she is.  If someone should ask her her name, she would never be able to respond.  Hell, the fear factor alone of talking to a stranger who's looking her in the eye would make her shut down.  Even if we were to teach the script to her, she would never be able to express it.  

And water.  What can I say about water.  She gravitates to it.  She actually runs towards it.  Once, my sister caught up with her before she jumped into a pond.

If I were a rich women, the VERY first thing that I would get Nea would be a trained dog.  These dogs are trained to stick close with a child, alert if the child goes out the door, and can be tethered to the child in public places.  These dogs are also trained to track a child if they go missing.

Nea's getting older and stronger.  We have to come up with a new game plan now to continue to keep her as safe as possible.  We just ordered Big Red Safety ToolKit.  We decided to buy it on our own so that other families in need would have a free one available.  Nea's sense of "danger" is about that of a 9 month old child.  Now imagine that same 9 month old child with the power of a 3 year old.  She can open doors, figure out locks, and walk right towards whatever peaks her interest.

If any good can come from these tragedies I hope that is the fact we are raising awareness.  Is there an autistic child in your neighborhood?  Do you have the families contact information if you ever see the child alone?  Do you know the best way to approach the child without frightening them?  Have you reached out to the parents?

The worst part of parenting a child with Autism is the isolation that you sometimes can feel.  Everyone working together in the spirit of community could actually save a life.

My heartfelt prayers of peace to the families of Mikaela Lynch and Owen Black.