Family vacation. Many families don't even attempt something like a big family vacation for fear a Griswold situation could occur at any moment. But seeing family is important, and they just happen to live hundreds and hundreds of miles away.
We've traveled with Nea on this trek every year. The first time she was 3 months old. It was rather easy. Well, aside from traveling with donor milk to be able to put in my SnS while breastfeeding (long story, later post). We were darn proud of ourselves for doing so well and not losing one drop of precious milk over the course of a week.
Our next trip, Nea was 11 months old. And honestly, it is all kind of a blur. We were traveling for a funeral, so everything is fuzzy about the trip. Too much stress, too much grief and too much anxiety of what was awaiting us.
We went last summer, and Nea was 2. She had not been diagnosed yet, but we were waiting to go to the evaluation in August. She traveled fairly well during that trip and I had plenty of activities for her to do along the way. We stopped frequently so she could run around at rest areas and spent an entire day at the half-way mark town for swimming and relaxing. Overall, not too shabby.
This time we had gained a whole bunch of different information. We know about sensory issues and sensory overload. We know that stimming means she is out of balance and we have to address her needs. We understand that anything "out of routine" can send her into a tailspin. We were going to hit her with a bunch of new experiences and we had to make sure we could keep meltdowns down to a minimum. Again, she traveled very well. Her iPad was a God-send to keep her entertained with movies and games. Grandma made an "activity kit" full of fun things like stickers, crayons, markers, etc. We stayed at a family members home this time (not hotel) and had access to a fridge. This allowed us to keep favorite foods in stock (Greek yogurt is a must) and cheese. We made sure to pack trains and tracks so she could build whenever she wanted, which she tends to use as an escape when she needs.
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| On the road |
We had a wonderful time. It was a memory filled trip with a train museum, a butterfly pavilion, the zoo, and a water park. Plus it was the 4th of July holiday and lots of backyard fun. We had a fabulous time and she made adjustments quite well.
As you can imagine, we spent a lot more time out and about at all of these places. We also ate many meals at restaurants over the course of 10 days. Her Poppa and I are firm believers about not putting kids in impossible situations and then making expectations ridiculous for them. I don't take Nea to the store when she's hungry and cranky. We skip going out for dinner if she's had a bad day. A restaurant is just something that has a potential of going really wrong, really quickly. All that said, we are also well aware that circumstances are beyond some parents control (including ours) and you have to do what you have to do.
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| Watching her iPad in a restaurant |
So while on the road, we gauged where we were going to eat on how we thought she could handle it. If it was a long day or stressful day, we did a fast food place and brought stuff back to the house. If things were more smooth, then we did the sit-down restaurant thing. But even on one of Nea's great days, her differences are starting to really stand out.
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| Getting stuff out of her "purse" |
Let's get one thing perfectly clear. I'm not ashamed of her, or embarrassed by her. But what frustrates me about a few of these situations has to do with me being afraid for her. The "odd looks" and the "why can't you control your kid" stares are a glimpse into the struggles with society she is going to face. I can protect her now. I can glare back now. I can Harper Valley PTA a rude person now. But that's not always going to be true. And I hate the fact that she's gong to even have to endure it.
How do you not become incredibly irate knowing that your child is going to face some pretty cruel people in the world?
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| Riding on the train |
Nea seems to do more verbal stimming when she is faced with a stressful situation. We don't hear it much at home, but we do hear it when we are out and about. At one restaurant dining experience, we finally put her headphones on her, plugged them into her iPad and let her eat while shutting out the world. She needed to "check out" and we had to make do with what we had at the time.
If she were 1 or even 2 and did these sort of activities (babbling, screeching, flapping) no one would bat an eye at her. But she is 3, and society has different expectations of her.
And the pacifier. Everyone has an opinion. And quite frankly, I'm sick of hearing it. So here are a few responses I would LOVE to be able to say to the rude, opinionated person who insists they need to express their concern.....
Jackass: "She still uses that thing?"
Me: "That 'thing' is what keeps her from flapping her arms around and screaming/screeching every 3 minutes. Trust me, you want that 'thing'...the alternative will make you even more uncomfortable."
Jackass: " I'm surprised you haven't gotten rid of the pacifier"
Me: "You know, I was surprised too when I saw your insensitive brain stuck up your ass, and yet, I was able to keep my mouth shut because it's none of my business."
Jackass: "You haven't weaned that? Boy you're in for a night mare."
Me: "You think? You know what, I think you should share in my parenting journey intimately. Your shift starts at 9pm. There are no breaks, there is no rest, there are no tap-outs."
Jackass: "Hard to believe you still have her on those...."
Me: "I know. I have not done any research, talked to any professional, or sought any assistance on the best way to transition her. Potty training or paci removal.....NEVER at the same time....what's your preference random citizen?"
I don't want her to have those stares and for people to look at her as "odd". It breaks my Mommy heart. And yet, I know I can't stop it. Can I harden her to it? Doubtful, I'm not sure she's wired that way. She's a loving, accepting child....and I think it's a great quality. Cynicism will come soon enough, I'm not teaching it to her now.
I know I could say these things. I know I have the ability to squash an insensitive rude person like a bug. I can be full of venom in a pretty frightening way. But what does it gain me? Does it bring anyone closer to understanding Autism? Does my pissy attitude help the situation or just ignite it?
I know the answer. It does nothing. And I'm grateful for this blog, as well as amazing people in my life who offer support and encouragement. So I continue try to find ways to use those situations for good and to make sure that people can move more towards neuro-diversity instead of "you're weird, you're not like me."
But if you wake the Mama Bear........
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