I believe I am in the land of the living. Although, admittedly I'm not sure that when I blink I'm not sleeping for just a brief second.
Last night was a rough one with our girl. I'm not sure why. Just about the time I think we have a handle on things....I get thrown a few curve balls. It's a good thing I'm a "shoot from the hip" sorta person. Thank you drama club and ad-libbing on stage with some of the craziest people I know.
Once we went through all our usual arsenal of "get to sleep" tools, I was at my wits end. Thank goodness WolFie is in this house because he provides such a balance. That's been true from the very beginning. When Nea and I were learning how to breastfeed, there were some frustrating moments to be certain. And of course the more frustrated she got, then I got, then she got, then....okay you see the point. WolFie would never say a disparaging word, and simply come over to us and say something like, "How about everyone take a break and rest right now?" And I would sit and cry or whatever to pull myself together while he soothed our very hungry daughter. Eventually, I would gather myself together and muster the courage to try again. And usually like magic, she would latch right on. We both would drift off into some astral plane of contentment....her drunk on yummy Mommy milk and me high on Oxytocin (released when breastfeeding.)
(sorry, back to last night. Funny.....I remember thinking at the time how HARD that all was....pffft...)
Once I realized that Nea and I were feeding negatively off each other (much like in the early days of our breastfeeding relationship), I made a few changes. WolFie of course was his loving self making sure just to keep things calm and balanced. The girl was whining and crying almost as if she was in pain or if she had been scolded. She needed the sensory stimulation, but didn't know how to ask for it. The blanket wasn't enough, the shower wasn't enough, the heavy work wasn't enough. She needed more but she was so exhausted she couldn't even formulate a plan to accomplish that. She lined up blocks and reorganized them, which gives her comfort many times, but that wasn't cutting it either.
So I decided to stim for her. I scooped her up and put her in my lap, between my legs. She always likes to sit there in the mornings as we're getting up. So I put her in that favorite spot and squeezed her tight. WolFie put the weighted blanket on top her and cocooned her between my legs.
Okay, here's a confession from me. I rock too when stressed or needing to relax. Even sitting her right now typing this, I'm rocking back and forth. (I think I'm stressed because I'm tired). So I do get it when it's time to rock.
And rock I did. Like I've never rocked before. It worked. She melted like butter in my arms. Finally, blissful sleep for everyone.
I hope tonight is better. But I'm prepared if it's not. My expectations are never high when it comes to bedtime.
Thus far she's jumped naked on the trampoline for 20 minutes. It's already a sensory seeking day......
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