It's the number one question I get asked these days. It doesn't bother me, I love it that people are so supportive of my girl and that they want her to succeed. But I cringe when they ask me because my response is gonna hurt...
"It sucks."
Now, before I go any further. I have to make a few things very clear.
I am very supportive of our school district, the IEP process, our amazing school, it's awesome teachers and pretty much everything that goes along with education. I have many school teacher friends. That means I've been privy to years and years of conversation about students, parents, schools, teaching, frustrations, victories, challenges and everything in between. Maybe I was such a late bloomer in my parenting journey just so I could spend good quality time listening to my teacher friends and learning from therm. Suffice it to say that I have nothing but love and respect for what teachers do every single day.
But right now, my kiddo hates school.
I can't express to you the rough ride we have been on since August 24th. The first couple of days were pretty okay. But after that it went downhill.
Mornings are spent crying about having to go to school. Evenings are spent lamenting about having to go to school the next day. She lives for the weekends. One week into the school year and she was dying to get to a weekend.
We knew that putting her in gen ed was going to bring her several challenges. The pace would be much faster, the environment would be more chaotic, and the sound would be louder. Not to mention learning and integrating into a group of neuro-typical kids, which was probably going to be one of the hardest things to do for her.
I have been in touch with the teacher who is very sympathetic. However, there's lots going on in that classroom now because there are 28-29 kiddos.
In one classroom.
I'm not sure I could handle that either. Add the number of kids, with first 2 weeks of jitters and trying to transition along with everyone trying to learn a new routine....and it's a hurricane of giant proportion. Her teacher is doing the best she possibly can and I give her props for keeping it all together. I'm sure it's not an easy job.
But Nea's tears every night has my heart aching to help her in some way. And quite honestly, I don't know what could or should be done. She has all kinds of things in her IEP to help her in this environment- but everyone is so stressed trying to get through the day, I hesitate to add "Frustrated Parent" to the mix. I'm a firm believer that standing up and yelling and acting all crazed NEVER gets you anything. Don't get me wrong, I can do that. That's the easy route for me. However, my life lesson is "Learn How to Filter". It's taken me over 40 years to even get to the beginning chapter of that lesson book.
That said, a decision was finally made to split the classes and bring in a new teacher to ease this pressure cooker. Moving students (as hard as that will be for students) is really the best thing to do to create a successful learning environment.
Every time Nea wears a head band to school she takes it off and then starts playing with it. Last week, she begged us to let her take her earmuffs to school. "It's too loud. Everyone is yelling." I don't think everyone is yelling, but her perception is her reality and she needs some relief from the sound. Her daily report from the teacher of how the day was usually sits in the yellow/orange zone. She can't keep her hands to herself, she's not paying attention, she's not listening, .....on and on.
Headphones for the classroom and a chewy/fidget necklace are currently on order.
It's been disheartening for her and for me both. But I told her that I didn't care what color she ended the day on....as long as she tried her very best. And it was okay if she came home with a yellow day, as long as she tried her very best. We are just going to have to ride out the storm until the classroom split.
Thankfully, she has a buddy in the classroom with her. They met last year in the special needs class and Lexi (not really her name) moved on to the mainstream Kindergarten a couple months into the school year. Nea was really disappointed-but they saw each other at recess and went to each other's birthday parties. They stayed connected. That's a big deal in our world. To have a connection with someone that you don't see everyday....that's some big stuff.
So Nea and Lexi are back together and it's been one of the best highlights of the year. When we went to the open house at the beginning of the year, it was Lexi's desk that Nea showed me first. Not her own.
Being around neuro-typical kids for 6 hours a day is different for her. Her social skills are still emerging and she still struggles to find a way to connect to another kid. Nea tends to jumble words and mix them around or string thoughts together that are odd. Most of her peers find that off-putting and will simply walk away. I watched it unfold at a school event when she would walk up to kiddos in her classroom.
"Hi! I have a Grandma. Did you see? There's dancing. Can you?"
....and the girl just turned around and left, leaving Nea a bit confused.
But not Lexi. Lexi will hang in there. You can watch it on her face....she watches Nea intently, tries to find the connections (where none probably exists) and waits it all out until Nea gets the right words together. Lexi's in it to win it. I'm so grateful for that little girl and the friendship bond these two are creating.
So the short answer is that school does suck. However, the long answer is this....
School sucks now, but I think it will get better
I have great hopes for the class split. Her resource teacher and speech therapist have both been in touch with me as those services have started. And, Nea is having blue and green days since the start of those. I think it's because she gets pulled out of class to work with these specialists and it's a break she very much needs.
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| A note from the Resource teacher to me (I LOVE IT!) |
Here's something that also is of importance.
I could not imagine one bit and actually have no expectations that she's learning much of anything. The environment is just too hard right now. But, as usual, I'm wrong about most things when it comes to this girl.
I've noticed her speech changing. The cadence, the rhythm, the vocabulary. She pauses differently, she uses more relaxed sentence structures. It's very interesting to watch language development in a kiddo that already knows a language. But it's almost like she's learning stuff for the first time, trying it on and seeing how it fits. Spending 6 hours a day with her peers is having an influence on her.
We have miles to go before we can sleep....but we are getting there.
