The girl who loved trains....

"....As moths go by and the child continues to remain silent, worried parents consult family,  friends and the pediatrician to receive automatic reassurances...
                    "Don't worry; he's just a late talker"
                    "Aunt Mary didn't speak until she was four"
                    "Einstein didn't talk until he was three."
                    "She'll speak when she's ready."
                    "Just give him time."
All too willing to believe their son or daughter is just a late talker and that sooner or later there will be an explosion of words, parents frequently and happily accept such well meaning counsel.  However, many parents-especially the mother-instinctively suspect there is something wrong."

                                           --from the book "The Late Talker:What to Do if Your Child Isn't Talking Yet"


These words were extremely validating to me.  I heard some of these same phrases when I started to express my concerns and worries.  I'm a 25 year veteran pediatric nurse.  I've been around thousands and thousands of  2y/o's and I know what they are supposed to sound like....late talker or not.

Finally, at Nea's 2 year well child check up I had a conversation with the pediatrician.  She didn't do an entire evaluation but based on the history I provided to her, she agreed a speech therapy evaluation was warranted.  My concerns were:

1)  Minimal vocalizations
2)  Loss of previously known words.
3)  Current vocabulary of less than 20 words-only 5 consistently (Should be at least 100 by this age)
4)  "Looks" for me instead of "calling" for me
5)  No singing or chanting
6)  Lack of interest in books
7) Does not point at objects

We met with a speech language pathologist (SLP) within 2 weeks.  She was absolutely amazing in connecting with Nea quickly.  Nea doesn't warm up to strangers easily (now I think it's because of fear of not being able to communicate), but Diana hooked her in very quickly.

She put Nea through a battery of evaluations.  Of course Nea only thought it was play time with Diana's fun new toys.  She tested out at 15 months for language/speech development.  Whoa.  15 months?!?!  That's 9 months behind...nearly an entire year of language development lost.  Receptive language was not an issue.  Understanding her world was not a problem.  However communicating in that world......

"Try to imagine not being able to say your own name, or not being able to tell your mother that you are hungry or in pain.  Imagine living in a world where you understand perfectly well what people are saying to you. You want to respond to them.  You know exactly what you want to say, but you simply don't have the voice to communicate."  ~~ from the book The Late Talker: What to Do If Your Child Isn't Talking Yet

Reading these words shook me to my core.  And certainly I shed a few tears.  I cannot imagine that level of frustration and I would imagine that many of us would not handle it well.  But there it was.  My bright, intelligent daughter could not express to anyone (including her parents) what her wants and needs were.

But she communicates in other ways.  She maintains great eye contact, she puts things in my hands that she wants me to pay attention to or help her with.  She smiles at me and her Poppa when she realizes we understood the point she was trying to get across.

Apraxia of speech is when you do not have the motor coordination to form words.  Speech is a very intricate system of your tongue, lips and palate all moving along together to form a word.  The idea in your head is there....but the transfer or the "map" is lost for the formation of the word.  My friend Niki (who has daughters with Apraxia of speech) says "think stroke victim...without the stroke"- which is really a good way to explain it to people.  They don't know what causes it in children.  But what they DO know is that early intervention is key.

We've had 2 speech therapy sessions and Nea's apraxia of speech is apparent.  The good news is that she has a lot of "jargon" that she says constantly....none of it intelligible, however.  But her mouth, lips and tongue move freely- essentially practicing.  She spent a lot of time in front of the mirror this week watching her face and lips as she "talked" her jargon.  Again, all good signs.  Some kids with apraxia have difficulty sticking their tongues out of their mouths.

Poppa and I have lots of work to do ourselves.  We have had to pick up sign language again.  We used it when she was about 7 months and stopped using it when she started talking.  But when she "fizzled" out or stalled in speech last fall we didn't pick it back up.  We should have.  So she has to relearn signs as well.  Signing will help her decrease frustration and give her a way to communicate her needs.

We are blessed to have very informative, well educated and well versed SLP's in this area.  Diana's one of the best and like I said...Nea has bonded well with her.  While waiting in the waiting room, Nea grew a bit anxious.  Diana opened the door and said, "Hi Nea....it's time to play" --while showing her the sign for play.  Nea hopped up and walked along right beside her.  For those of you who know my daughter...that's a bit shocking.  I don't know if it's because she feels Diana "gets" her, therefore she trusts her or if the toys are just too fun and she remembers!  Don't get me wrong, Diana frustrates her at times.  For instances, today when  Diana was trying to help her with words -like withholding a train to get Nea to say "choo-choo".   Nea just simply wanted that train in her hand, but Diana wouldn't let her have it right away and focused her attention to her mouth and lips.  Nea eventually just tossed her head back, yelled out (as if to say " #&ck this $hit!") and then got up from the chair to come over to me (sitting in the corner).  After a minute of reassurances, Nea went back to the chair on her own and began working with Diana again.  I find it all amazing to watch.

Waiting for her turn at Pedi Rehab

Today her new word was "blue".  Blue!  Can you believe that I almost burst into tears?  She also said, "go!" and "buh-bul!" (bubble) 3 words today (2 she already had, 1 she learned new) is great progress.  It will be slow, it will be tedious but her Poppa and I will not stop until we know she has all the tools she needs for success.



....and if she says Mama somewhere along the way....I'm not going to be sad about that.

A Walk With a Toddler

We've had a beautiful couple days here in the MidWest.  It was 55degrees before 8 a.m, AND it was my day off.  All signs point to a day at the park with my girl, enjoying fresh air and some 1 on 1 girl time!

We went to Washington Park which is Springfield's "Central Park."  It has mature trees, huge playground, ponds, walk routes and bike paths, etc.  It's pretty close to home and just a hop to get there.  I had PT today for my knee and wanted to be close if it really started to kick up with pain.  It was also pretty windy today so those big trees (bare as they were) were going to provide a little shelter from the wind.   

The first thing we did was hit the playground area and find Nea's favorite statue.  She's loved this thing since she could first toddle around the playground at 9 months old.  I have picture after picture of her with this thing, and I swear that her senior picture should be taken with it!

Then of course we spent a bit exploring the playground.  Nea is a climber and loves the slides, the monkey bars, and being pushed in the swings as high as she can go.  She always tosses her head back to let the breeze hit her in the face, watching the world upside down.  Its a lesson we all probably need to remember.  And like most toddlers, she likes to have a "touch" experience as much as possible.  I am a firm believer that girls should get dirty, grimey and stinky.  Mine is right on track!

After about 20 min on the playground she kept venturing over near the swings and looking at the woods (see background in doggie picture above).  I would say "come back" and she would kick the dirt up a bit, turn around and come back to me.  My knee was feeling okay, but I was too fearful that a romp down a hill would be all it could handle, or I would trip, or I would torque it some how and be in one hell of a mess.

However, after about the 5th time of watching the face of a very disappointed little girl......I decided to brave it.  "Oh, okay, fine.  Let's go!"

......and off she went!  She ran with wild abandon through this path and squealed with delight the entire way.   Every once in awhile, she would pause, look back for me, smile, and keep on walking.

I was trying not to panic.  As you can see in this photo, she's quite a distance from me.  If I wanted to stop her from doing something or falling I wouldn't be able to. And not to mention, I'm just not fast right now with my bummed out knee.  But as I walked in this entrance, and felt the trees and Mother Nature surround me, I just let the panic slip away.  

This was her first stop.  A huge, old piece of wood.  She examined it in all kinds of ways and made sure that nothing was missed.  Finally she picked it up to stand it on it's end and watched it fall flat.  A great lesson in gravity as well as cause and effect.  See that path behind her....yah, I walked that all without any pain.  In fact at this point I'm so absorbed in watching my daughter explore the woods that I've forgotten about my knee.

This picture is a pause to pick up a seedling and a stick.  Now it's  a lesson of "compare and contrast."  She dropped the stick soon enough (she's always been fond of them), but kept ahold of the seedling for quite awhile.  I remember thinking, "Man, it's just the little things, isn't it?"  It just is.

We moved all the way down the hill, close to the pond.  We stood and watched the ducks for awhile.  This was probably one of the most serene scenes for me.  Surrounded by Mother Nature, my daughter in my arms and both of us enjoying the splendor that is our world.  We sat on the log for a little break because I realized that I'd made it down this huge hill but now I had to make it back up!  I wasn't sure how I was going to do that and as I did another self-check, I realized that there was no pain......

This is the view at the bottom of the hill, looking towards the path.  It looked more than daunting and I was a bit nervous again that pain would get in my way.  What is very difficult to see in this picture is the red dot in the trees.  That red dot is actually a cardinal.

A cardinal holds much significance for me.  It is the first bird that I ever recognized it's song even when it wasn't seen.  It also reminds me of my Dad as the Cards were his favorite team.  Since his death more than 20 years ago, the cardinal has always come to me with some sort of message.  I guess you could say its my totem animal.  The cardinal makes me pause and think and sometimes I even feel like it's bringing a little "I love you" message from my Dad.

I remember once being up with my newborn during the wee hours of the morning.  We were still trying to get the hang of the whole breastfeeding thing and it was frustrating from time to time. The chair I was sitting in was right by my front window and I could sit there to watch the sun rise.  During a few "new Mommy" tears, I looked up when a bird caught my eye.  It was a cardinal that flew right into the bush outside the window and just looked back it me.  That moment made me pause, take a deep breath and muster the courage to keep doing what I was doing.  I even said out loud, "Yah, okay, I got it Dad."  And off the cardinal flew.....

So when I saw this bird sitting at the top of the hill (I sure wish the phone had "zoom") I thought of my Dad immediately.  "Yah, okay...I got this Dad."  Nea must have sensed my resolve because she started marching up the hill.

Full of concentration on walking, making sure each step was steady, trying to be sure my toddler was safe, trying to flex/extend my leg perfectly for good walking measure I saw Nea veer off the path towards this area in the picture.  "What is she doing???!?!"  For Pete's sake, I was on a roll and just needed to stay on the path, keep the momentum going and get to the top of this damn hill!  Clearly she was looking for something.....something that caught her eye.  I have NO idea how anything caught her eye....look at all the brown leaves in there.  Piles and piles of leaves, sticks, logs, branches.....

What?!?!?  A 4-leaf clover?!?!?  How in the world did this child find this green VERY rare item buried underneath piles and piles of dead leaves?

She communed with that clover for a very long time.  I probably should have done the same and rubbed it all over me for good luck, but I was so in awe of the entire situation I didn't know what to do!

When I looked up...we were at the top of the hill.

Unbelievable.

And I felt GReAT!  No pain, great energy, my body felt amazing.  It's the first time in 6 months that I have been able to be in concert with my body instead of fighting with it constantly.  I was exhilarated!

This is the final picture at the top of the hill.  She's holding an acorn cap (a HUGE one, it's a type I've never seen).  Of course she still believes that one cannot really "know" a thing until you touch it with your lips.  She doesn't really mouth stuff or put stuff in her mouth anymore as much as she's trying to experience every aspect of it....and taste is a sense she firmly believes in.

One last spin on the playground from my Nature-loving toddler before heading home.

Look at her.  The sun on her face.  The wind on her skin.  She loves every single aspect of it.  It's my job to make sure she has every opportunity I can find her to experience Nature how she wants.







"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." 
         ~~ Henry David Thoreau

2011 in Review

2011 is soon out the door.  It's been a good year in our household.  Parenting is an adventure, don't let anyone tell you any different.  There is "fine print" but in the end, it all gets wrapped up in sticky fingers anyway....so who cares?

We watched in awe as our cherub baby turned into a sassy, spirited toddler with crazy hair and a strong personality.

Nea 10 months

Nea 20 months

We were sad to say good-bye to Jon's Mom, but very happy to be with family in Denver during this time.  Zan was a great person with lots of great stories of her work with the Native American tribes of our country.   We will share Zan's stories with Nea so that she gets a piece of the grandmother she was never able to know.

Zan & Nea July 2010 (3 months) in family heirloom dress

Zan's parents (seated), children and grandchildren

The return of my brother from his 2nd tour of duty was certainly a highlight of the year.   It was nice to have him back safely, but we know that's not true for all soldiers and their families.  Believe me when I tell you, we remember that often.

Trent, Tarra, Mason, Thad holding Nea & Zac

We spent the summer in parks, pools and playgrounds.  Our motto is, "Adventure is the best teacher!"

Mason City pool

SouthWind park playground

SouthWind Park splash pad

We have spent many weekends throughout the year at Grandma's house.  No one loves our little girl as much as we do...but Grandma sure comes close.  She rejoices in everything our daughter does and hangs on our every word.  What more could a parent want!

Grandma and Nea

I started grad school in pursuit of my MBA.  It's been a lot of work, but I'm very proud to say that the first year is almost complete!  Jon has been an amazing support as I work to keep Mommy and Nea time, along with work and school all balanced.

Mommy & Nea toes

Nea totally adores and loves her cousin Mason.  She calls him "Masey" and enjoys every second with him.  The two of them seem more like siblings than cousins and Mason adores her just the same.  Weekends spent at Grandma's house always included her Masey.

We attended Springfield's first Gay Pride event, and had a blast!  It was an impressive event and a great turn out!    We can't wait for next year!

I attended my 25 year class reunion.  What a wonderful time!  Who says you can't go back?  Many of the people I went to high school with I still talk to today!

Beardstown High School class of 1986 (plus Robert!)

My sister and I have the same reunion year (it was her 20th) so we will always be attending this special weekend together.  Speaking of my sister, we started many new traditions this year:  Spending New Year's together, Fall festival weekend, baking Christmas cookies together.....  It's been a great year for her and I on this journey in parenthood.

My sister Tarra 

We met new friends.......

And formed even stronger bonds with some of our nearest and dearest....

We went to several playdates (even if there was no actual playing together but more in the vicinity of each other) and enjoyed running around with someone of the same size!

I found my voice  about "Raising Our Daughters" and gave a presentation at my church.  The sooner the world gets used to girls snuggling up with trucks....the better off we are going to be.

Oh, we had a few brushes with illness over the year but overall, we did well.  Nea was cleared from her cardiologist from her ventricular septal defect and requires no further follow-up!

Thank you to my family for being such a wonderful support to us as we raise our daughter in this exciting but unpredictable world.  Thank you to my friends for providing unconditional love....just like any family.

Photo by Blue Daisy Art

May you all have a fabulous New Year!!!   Bring on 2012!

Reasons to not read the "comments" section

I've been doing a ton of writing today, and none of it in this blog!  Shame on me! (sorry Jennifer!)  I'm going to try and put all my thoughts together what I wrote down today.  (I have other posts waiting for my attention too, but this one got moved to the top.)

Last month a woman was harassed at a Target store when she breast fed her infant son.  She used a blanket, but still had disapproving stares from employees.  She was even asked to move to a dressing room.  The next day she called the corporate office of Target to lodge a formal complaint.  Target does have a policy that guests   are welcome to breastfeed in their stores.  However, it's open to lots of interpretation store to store.  The person on the phone told this mom "just because you can legally do it, doesn't mean you should flaunt it."

Whoa.

That launched a nation-wide bristle regarding breastfeeding in public.  Hello facebook.  The next thing you know, a nurse-in is scheduled.

A nurse-in is when nursing mothers show up en mass and nurse their infants.  It's about one of the most peaceful protests I can think of.  The first person that pepper sprays a nursing mother and her infant, I'm pretty sure is going to find themselves run out of town on a rail.

The story caught media attention, and could easily be found just about anywhere on the internet.  And for whatever reason, these stories have a "comments" section at the bottom of the page.  I read them.  I know better.  I should have never read them.  And before you know it, I was sucked in!

(for the record, I am using these people's names as they appeared. It's the internet.)

So Spaceward Duffano writes:  (for the record I don't think that's her name):

"As a woman who breastfed her child, AND a supporter of breastfeeding, I have to say this is a stupid idea, as are all 'nurse in' type things. Ultimately, who cares? You're trying to draw awareness to breast feeding, but this is the wrong way to go about it. It makes you seem pushy to your own beliefs , self centered, and not wanting to follow the rules of places you go. Go feed your baby in private, that's what I always did. Go to the bathroom, go to your car, or go home; pump some for a bottle before you go shopping. Nobody is against your breastfeeding, but nobody wants (or needs) to see it, either. (Maybe some pervs, but the general public does not.) It's a natural function, but, it can easily be done in private- otherwise it's awkward and uncomfortable for most people."

I responded:

Because we live in a society where breasts are sexual objects versus a way to feed our infants. Every Momma should do what they feel comfortable doing. And because of the constant badgering and sneering women received over time, we nearly lost the art of breastfeeding. This became a national crisis when the numbers were ran and we realized we were going backwards not forward. The Surgeon General gave a call to action to help turn the tides.

Kudos to you for breastfeeding your child and supporting breastfeeding moms. It's time to move away from the jeers and sneers and support Moms even more who move through some of the breastfeeding barriers. Remember that first month of breast feeding and how vulnerable you felt...how difficult it was. Add on to the fact that now you get chastised for feeding your infant when your instinct tells you to...and you have a mom who quits breastfeeding. If we say breastfeeding is best, then it's time we live up to that belief.

Nursing at Grandma's house!

I was a glutton for punishment.  The more I read, the more angry I became.  And then, eventually it just turned to sadness.  I've felt that we've been making progress as a country, that we've been moving to a better place.  But after reading comment after comment, I just wasn't seeing any rainbow. 

Then we have this gem of a comment from Jeremy Torrgesson:

"If you want to go live in a 3rd World (ahem - "developing") country and flop them out for all to see, by all means, do so. But in a public shopping center, all you're doing is encouraging leering and unnecessary attention to yourself. (But that's the point, isn't it?)"

Seriously?  This guy was off his rocker, and I know you can't argue with crazy but.......:

Not encouraging, not at all. Just doing what is normal parenting for me and my baby. It's okay, your normal for your family may be different. I'm not "whippin 'em out" for all to see, and it actually is far more discreet than some of the bathing suits out there, the tops worn at the bars and the outfits most of our celebrities are seen in. I'm usually in a t-shirt, only pulled up enough to allow my baby to latch and nothing is seen....not even skin. But the problem comes in when breasts are seen as sexual things and watching an infant suckling one is "disturbing" Let's be honest, it's not about the skin or the "indecency" of it all. You and I both know there are far more offensive things out there.

There were all sorts of rantings and ravings, and I was overwhelmed by the venom some folks showed regarding public breastfeeding.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion of course, but the fact of the matter is the law sees it very differently.  Breastfeeding women travel a mountain to get to the other side of barriers, snarky in-laws, dumb medical people, and a variety of difficult issues.  Really, do we have to keep harassing them along the way?  

I stopped reading for awhile, because it was just getting ridiculous.  And then these words were written by Nancy Adams:

"These women have nothing better to do than get knocked up, go shopping, and whip their breasts out everytime they are demanded. Their breasts are not the offensive body part. It's their boob like brains. If you're such great moms, park it outside and suck it up yourselves."

Uh oh,  you have just called forth my inner bitch:

Nancy, "these people" is me. I am a college educated professional, currently in grad school obtaining my MBA. I got "knocked up" via a fertility specialist, but did not go shopping the next day. I was too tired, too focused on my infant when out in the big bad world to "whip out" anything....

Let's be totally honest here. Really honest. It's not the showing of skin that bothers people. It's not the occasional slip and a nipple shows that's the issue. It's the fact that you know (whether you can see it or not) that there is sucking going on under that blanket or behind that shirt. Because you (like the rest of us) grew up in a society that sucking on a b00b was something done in the privacy of your own home. Where we have failed as "modern" society is forgetting that there are OTHER reasons to suckle at the breast. Until we move past this issue....it's going to be debate for quite awhile.

And that my friends is the crux of the matter.   No person in their right mind is going to admit, "when I know boobs are sucked on it makes me think of sexual things" because everyone around you is going to smack you square on the head.  But, that's what it is that people can't get past.  The skin exposure is not the issue.  It can't be.  Not in the society we live in today.  Crikey, the little girls are showing more skin on Toddlers and Tiaras than I ever dreamed about showing!  But that's what it's hidden in.  That's where it comes from....it's just no one really wants to say that.  So folks get all venomous and downright nasty to save face. 

All is not lost.  This was posted on a friend's wall on facebook:

"I've been reading with interest my friends' posts about Target and breast-feeding.  While I am not a mother and have never breast fed.... if I could have I would have.... with pride and dignity and in public.....where and when my child might have been hungry.  So, lacking a picture to post in support, I offer my words."

And there it was....the rainbow I was looking for.  








(this post is in honor of my daughter, Nea, who taught me at a very early age just what I'm made of)

Antonea-3 months

Advice from a 20 month old

Most everyone knows I'm picture happy! My kid, your kid, your party, my yard, your barbeque, my car, on and on.... I just like pictures.  I think they tell a story, even when sometimes the words aren't there.  Sometimes I think they tell a better story, even when the words ARE there.    Every chance I get, I'm snapping a photo here or there for no apparent reason.  It's usually me that's the "documenter" of whatever group of people I'm with.


Sometimes I get lucky and get a really amazing shot.

And sometimes I blow it out the nose.

My point is that if I snap pictures all day, eventually I'm going to get a good one! 

So today I decided to document our day in pictures just to see what we came up with.  As I was looking through them, I decided each of them held some great advice....from a toddler point of view.

1)  Always keep an eye on your cheese.

Let's face it, your cheese is your power.  Only you know how your cheese should be lined up and only you know when it should be moved.  So putting your cheese in a very specific spot, with a very specific meaning adds to the beauty of the day!  P.S.  Friends can help of course !  aka Grover.  Yes I know someone wrote a book about this and it has merit!

2) Who cares what anyone else thinks?

Eating cinnamon bread in your undies (or diaper or panties or whatever) and a t-shirt with crazy hair on  Sunday morning may not be "the norm" but it certainly makes for a great morning!

3) Make your own way!

We don't care if you're going down the steps backwards to get to your destination.  The point is that you move your own way, at your own speed to your own beat.

4) Eat your fruit!

Fruit is Mother Earth's way of saying "I sure do love you!" ...so enjoy it every day!  (and sometimes we can't wait for check-out so we just have to eat it right then!!)

5)  Nap as often as you can, with those you love.

To be snuggled in with someone that you love so deeply......well...there are just not words for that.

Writing, writing, writing

.....which is really my passion and what I seem to have a knack for.

My first writing "gig" was blogging in an online e-zine (electronic magazine) reporting on RuPaul's Drag Race for the transgender community.  It was a great excuse to watch the show, but boy did I have to hurry and write a post as soon as the show was over.  Talk about "deadline"!  When the end of the first season came, I breathed a sigh of relief that I'd done it!  They asked me back for the following season, but I declined.  I still watch the show because I think it's a lot of fun!  I've always loved RuPaul and happy she's got a show!

My next "gig" and current one, is editing content for Stage of Life in the Having a Baby section.  This is an online blogging community where stories are shared.  It's received tons of press, especially from high school and college teachers who are encouraging kids to write.  I love the community, the owners and I think they are really on to something.  It's my first paid writing gig! http://www.stageoflife.com/

The next thing I hope to do is write a book.  Lofty?  Maybe.  But it's starting to nag at me to start putting words down.  When I get the nagging, and I can't stop thinking about it.....that usually means I need to start writing something.   Of course, following the rule of "write what you know", I plan to dive into the journey of surrogacy and how my beautiful daughter came into this world.  Ironically, I have different "notes" (on facebook) and posts (on bloggerspot) and forum posts (on different websites) and journal entries (in my desk) that I plan to pull together to start the story.  It seems a little daunting and now that I'm in grad school, I'm not sure where to fit it all in!  Ah yes, grad school. It has me writing, writing, and writing......but in the forms of papers and it's just not the same!

Topics you may see in this blog......

• religious tolerance- if you think you're religion is the ONLY one and the RIGHT one.....I couldn't disagree with you more
• equal rights for everyone-no matter  your race, sexual orientation or gender we all are equal.  It is the one thing that is a deal breaker for me.  I do not have people in my life (or hell, even in my facebook newsfeed) that bash or slam another group of people.  It's my no tolerance zone.
• LGBT rights- yes, that includes same sex marriage.  Abso-freakin-lutely!
• breastfeeding-we've almost lost the art of breastfeeding in this country and for that we should all be ashamed
• infertility- I struggled for 14 years and I will talk to anyone who wants information.  We have to talk about it and get past the "shame of it"
• surrogacy-  I lived this journey with my best friend Brenda and we have great insights into this.  Surrogacy is not for everyone and we both learned a lot about ourselves and each other.
• parenting & children- I have a toddler in my house.....chances are there are lots of things to write about!

I have a few posts I need to transfer over to this blog as well....only because I want them all in the same spot.  Now if I could only remember that password.......